Raising Awareness....

Today is National Prematurity Awareness Day. A day to educate, raise awareness and help to get people on board, to support organizations which help babies who are born far too soon.

My heart hurts on days like today. Days where I feel so incredibly responsible for the loss of my son and the pain and suffering that all three of my children went thru when they were born and several months after. I have always been told, since the minutes after I found out I was in labor, 'it isn't your fault, don't blame yourself, you are not responsible'. But as a mother, the bearer of my children I feel, yet, SO responsible. This guilt will be with me, deep down in my heart.....for the rest of my life. It is a guilt that I can't even explain but it is there. I can't help it, it is there, nagging, tugging, pulling at me on certain days, today being one of those days. 1 in 8 babies is born premature. More newborn babies die from premature birth than any other cause. The rate of premature birth in America is higher than that of most other developed nations. Iowa received a grade 'D' for it's Prematurity Birth Report card, that is unacceptable. If you would have asked me 6 years ago what a preemie baby was, what gestation a child could survive if born early or how small preemie baby's could be.....I would have not been able to answer one of those questions, I had NO idea. It is not something most people make themselves familiar with until prematurity affects them, someone they know or someone they love. The March of Dimes and Children's Miracle Network help fund research, they help parents like us, with educational materials while in the NICU, and so much more. Thank the lord for those organizations and the wonderful people working every day to raise awareness.

We have been thru a lot with our babies, we really have. It is not dwelled upon, or even thought of every day....but these trials have affected our life...forever. We miss our first born. We think of him every single day. I am at peace knowing he is our angel watching us from heaven. He gives us signs that he is surrounding us every single day. Brad has struggled with his loss quite a bit more recently, that makes me sad. But we talk, we work thru our pain and we look at our other two babies and snuggle them extra for their brother from above. I want our children to know that we do everything possible for them and have since conception. I don't want them to remember the pain but I will one day tell them where there strength came from. Life is different than we could have ever imagined, we are stronger people because of our struggles and we are so thankful that we have the 3 most beautiful children ever. We know the love of a child as Mom and a Dad, some never get to feel that love....we are fortunate we have and do.
So today we hug our little ones a little tighter. We pray a little harder. We cry a little longer. And we love more and more and more, each other, every....single....day. We are blessed. We love you Dalton, Dylan and Danielle, more than words can say. I'm sorry you have been thru what you have, I'm sorry you will not all three be raised together. But know that your Mom and Dad will fight for you to the moon and back, protect you and love you every single day....and we will raise awareness so hopefully one day, all babies will be born at term.~